After doing the online dating scene for over a year now, I only started having some fun dates in the past three months. When I first started I was so worried the guys I was chatting with we’re psycho stalkers who wanted to slit my throat. Once I started meeting the guys I chatted with, I realized that I could trust my intuition.
If I get a bad vibe about someone I’m chatting with, if they say something that makes me uncomfortable, or even if the conversation is just overly boring, I move on and stop talking to him. The trick in online dating is to know when to stop talking with one and move on. Ask serious questions as soon as possible. If you don’t get the answers you want, MOVE ON! There are tons of guys out there who ARE what you’re looking for.
The process is very fast paced, and rightly so. There is no reason to keep talking to anyone if you’re not enjoying it. If you’re talking just to be nice, you’re wasting your energy. The odds are a new guy will come along who is exactly your type, but by then you’ll be exhausted from chatting with the all wrong people and miss out on a fun date or maybe more.
When you do find someone you get a good feeling about, move the relationship to the ‘real world’ as soon as possible. As soon as you reach the point where you can’t learn anything more without meeting in person, DO IT. Wait till he asks or makes hints that he’d like to do something with you and then reply, “Ya, that’d be fun!” By the end of the chat, you’ll have a date set up.
How long do I usually wait to meet? It definitely depends on the guy. There have been a lot of dates I’ve set up after only 2 hours of chatting. It sounds risky, but I don’t chat for longer than 5 sentences with guys who make me uncomfortable in any way. If I am unsure about a guy, I’ll wait more like a week or two. If by then I don’t feel safe enough to meet him somewhere, I stop chatting.
The biggest mistake you can make in online dating is keeping it online too long. No, this is not the movie ‘You’ve Got Mail’. I have heard stories about people who have chatted with someone for two years, then finally met and were married within weeks.
I’m sorry, but this is the real world. When I started the online thing, I thought I would find the man of my dreams, chat with him online for anywhere from 3 months to a year, and then finally meet him in person and feel the magical fireworks explode. Wrongo! On one of my first attempts I kept the relationship online for about 2 months. When I finally met the guy, he turned out to be the shyest guy I’d ever met in my life. Very chatty on the computer, but entirely unconfident and silent in person. Oh boy!
It was a waste of two months. I could have found out what he was really like within a few days, but I kept it online too long. When dating online you can accidently develop a connection with someone based entirely on what they type in a chat box. TRUST ME. This is NOT GOOD.
After going on multiple dates with guys who seemed to be incredibly perfect online and entirely the opposite in person, I have learned it’s best to develop a connection with someone through literally dating them, NOT chatting back and forth for months or even years. You can’t tell anything about the person you are talking to until you MEET THEM IN PERSON. The internet provides a great way to meet new people, not a great way to develop relationships.
Yes, I may have experienced some odd dates through online dating, as my former posts will tell, but just think how horrible it would have been if I had waited an entire month or longer to find out the guy I was chatting with was kitty murderer (Click here to read the post). What a gigantic waste of time!
If you’re just starting to date online, or it just hasn’t been working for you, consider what I’ve said. Since I started doing it this way three months ago, I’ve had multiple dates per week. I’ve met a lot of fun guys, eaten a lot of great free food, and come very close to some serious relationships with 2 or 3 of them.
Move on quickly, meet the people you like chatting with in person as soon as possible. When you do, it’s not even really ‘online dating’ at all. It’s just dating.